Where I Was
For a while, our planning was pretty much at a standstill until we knew the when and the where. Because of this, I only had small things to talk about during most of that time, so I just didn't because I felt down about it. It's been hard to make progress and then almost none at all for a while.
That being said, I did want to get back to this eventually, and as of this last (Easter) weekend, I finally felt like I could convince my brain to do it.
One of the problems that causes me the most hardship is akin to executive dysfunction. What this means in my case is that I can be fully aware of exactly what I need to do to accomplish something, including being able to break it down into steps, but some feeling inside prevents me from getting started. Flashback to multiple weekends where I couldn't talk myself out of bed until sometimes up to an hour or two after I woke up hungry.
I don't know. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. A common way it manifests that I've read online is in very intelligent children who nevertheless don't do their schoolwork. They ace every test and know the material, but the actual act of sitting down and working out nightly assignment doesn't happen. Most of the time. I admit that this was something for me as well. Even in graduate school I would write papers the same day they were due. I just never even got a signal from my brain to get started until that time. I found assignments where we had to turn in outlines first before writing the paper to be agonizing.
So what has changed? A couple of things. First, we're reasonably sure we have our reception venue. And for free. The problem with that is that we haven't secured our ceremony space yet. Second, I've spent a lot of time talking with MOH Melissa about anxiety. (Yeah, screw the nicknames. I was trying too hard to be Weddingbee.) It's something at least a handful of women in our family have experienced, and sharing that, being able to put it into words, is incredibly cathartic.
I suppose ultimately that's why I am going to try starting this up again. Because I know I have a lot of things I need to yank out of my brain and examine in the daylight. I hope it works. I never know for sure.
That being said, I did want to get back to this eventually, and as of this last (Easter) weekend, I finally felt like I could convince my brain to do it.
One of the problems that causes me the most hardship is akin to executive dysfunction. What this means in my case is that I can be fully aware of exactly what I need to do to accomplish something, including being able to break it down into steps, but some feeling inside prevents me from getting started. Flashback to multiple weekends where I couldn't talk myself out of bed until sometimes up to an hour or two after I woke up hungry.
I don't know. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. A common way it manifests that I've read online is in very intelligent children who nevertheless don't do their schoolwork. They ace every test and know the material, but the actual act of sitting down and working out nightly assignment doesn't happen. Most of the time. I admit that this was something for me as well. Even in graduate school I would write papers the same day they were due. I just never even got a signal from my brain to get started until that time. I found assignments where we had to turn in outlines first before writing the paper to be agonizing.
So what has changed? A couple of things. First, we're reasonably sure we have our reception venue. And for free. The problem with that is that we haven't secured our ceremony space yet. Second, I've spent a lot of time talking with MOH Melissa about anxiety. (Yeah, screw the nicknames. I was trying too hard to be Weddingbee.) It's something at least a handful of women in our family have experienced, and sharing that, being able to put it into words, is incredibly cathartic.
I suppose ultimately that's why I am going to try starting this up again. Because I know I have a lot of things I need to yank out of my brain and examine in the daylight. I hope it works. I never know for sure.
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